Anal glaucoma

Guy calls in to his Boss:
Worker: I can't come to work today. I'm sick
Boss: Oh yea! What's wrong with you now?
Worker: I have anal glaucoma.
Boss: What the hell is that?
Worker: I just can't see my ass working today.

Average: 4 (1 vote)

Another 5 random jokes


A politician will find an excuse to get out of anything except office.

Average: 6 (1 vote)

Died a virgin

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned unopened."

Average: 6 (1 vote)

Anime fans

Why do anime fans listen to the radio in the morning?

Average: 7 (1 vote)

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, "We’ll take care of it, ma’am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

Average: 7 (1 vote)

Where were you born?

Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "California."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "All of me."

Average: 9 (1 vote)